Episode 110: Call of Cthulhu campaign, ep 1

In this episode we revisit the online quiz frig aboot & find oot scenario from our “A very merry f—, marry, kill” episode in a TTRPG setting with Doctor Grandpa/Keeper of Arcane Knowledge L (@nocturnical) at the helm. The investigators are Stef (@witchxpudding) as Jessica, Mel (@heda_mel) as Mel, & Jay (@jayraffertypoet) as Bee Kay. This episode was edited by L.

Visit us at ghostinthemagazine.site or follow us on twitter @gitmpodcast. Thank you Nate for the tunes,  soundcloud.com/nfr-1.

Season 3, episode 24

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Letter from the desk of Dr. Grandpa Brick Bardo Highcock, Managing Editor of Clove Cigarettes Magazine

March 25, 2023

Editorial team,

I appreciate you coming together to represent our magazine in my stead. I know it’s short notice but you know how it is – trifling billionaire Jessk Muskrat hired a cyborg necromancer to revive my mortal enemy, the Sprug Daddy. Rumors on the internet have convinced me that they have not only revived and rebuilt the devious criminal mastermind from Arturos, but have outfitted him with a full cybernetic body, including junk. You know I can’t have that motherfucker out there, banging ladies, & selling dimensional fusion bombs to the ne’er do wells of your planet.

Anyway, while I am fighting crime and saving the universe, you three are going to party with a guy who partied with Kansas.

Friend of the magazine & former Bulletboys roadie, Dundas Mackey, owns a party cabin out in the woods behind the Dairy Queen on Terminal and 86th. Dundas & I go way back and he’s a little burned out, a little paranoid, but a nice fellow with an encyclopedic knowledge of cock rock, butt rock, & most importantly — chode rock. He’s not only a great conversationalist, but the consummate host, he has a giant cookie jar full of assorted edibles & his fridge has a never ending stock of cheap, domestic beer.

During the party, you’re going to be interviewing Dundas about this event he’s hosting next month. He has built a stage in the clearing behind the party cabin & is trying to procure a bunch of local bands to support a nationally touring band he was able to rope into playing via one of his Motley Crue drinking buddies who allegedly hung dong in one of their music videos.

The party itself is set to be a rager, Dundas is a really popular guy who runs in advantageous circles in the local art scene. You’re going to want to vibe not only with him, but with whoever else you’re able to rub elbows with. It’s important to cultivate contacts and potential interview subjects.

Full transparency, I’ve noticed a weird undercurrent around certain hangers-on at Dundas’ parties – dead eyes, gray skin, thick patches of hair growing in the palms of their hands. I wrote it off as a bunch of junkies and wankers but lately I’ve noticed some weird behavior out of Dundas himself – but then again, dude is a massive burnout.

Though you’ve all met Dundas at least once at one of our open mics – the guy who wrote about bluebirds & blowing Jim Morrison near a dumpster behind an abandoned strip mall – I’m going to include some press passes just in case he’s violently high & already forgotten our arrangement.

So enjoy yourself but keep your wits about you. I should be back by the end of the weekend as soon as I have smoked this bitch and rubbed my tiny balls across the bridge of Jessk Muskrat’s nose.

Yours,

Dr. Grandpa Brick Bardo Highcock

Managing editor of Clove Cigarettes Magazine

Description of the lot behind the Dairy Queen

There is a single row of parking spots behind the crumbling curb that separates the drive through line. The blacktop is a little rough, there are several potholes with mud and debris inside them. Behind the lot is an overgrown hedge that hugs around a large dumpster.

This is still the good Dairy Queen in town.

Parking lot perception roll – spot hidden or listen

All three players are rolling for perception here. The highest roll determines how the party proceeds. (NOTE: I have catered my reactions/consequences based on the build of the individual investigators)

Crit: You notice a funky chicken nugget that had been eaten into a rough dog shape, it starts barking at you. 

• If BeeKay had the lowest roll: As a risk-taker & haunted food expert, remind BeeKay that he feels a strong pull to examine it & wait for his reaction.
  • If BeeKay picks it up or otherwise touches it, it immediately dissolves into his skin & he has to roll for sanity.
    • If roll succeeds, BeeKay will hear the nug dog tell him to go between the two hedges directly in front of him to find the path. For the rest of the game, occasionally BeeKay will hear the voice of the dog nug in his head (triggering a sanity roll) giving him tips & tricks, its up to him to determine if they’re legit.
    • If the roll fails, BeeKay will have to roll 1d3 for sanity point loss. He will scream incoherently and scratch at his hand and the player with the next lowest roll will proceed.
  • If BeeKay examines it from afar, he will roll a regular skill check (100%) for occult.
    • If roll succeeds, he will hear it bark-whisper, “If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now / It’s just the path to the partaay.” & then a nug-colored bird will fly out of the hedge, revealing a split in the hedge. 
    • If the roll fails, he can choose to push the roll or pass to the player with the next lowest roll.
      • Pushing the roll is a hard skill check (50%) for occult.
        • If roll succeeds, he proceeds as if he’d passed the first roll.
        • If the roll fails, he sees dendritic tendrils extending from the nug, driving into the ground, running along the concrete, floating above it. He then has to make a sanity roll.
          • If the sanity roll succeeds, turn passes to the player with the next lowest roll.
          • If the sanity roll fails, he takes 1d3 sanity damage and lets a fart slip while he’s screaming incoherently. Play passes to the player with the next lowest roll.
• If Mel has the lowest roll: She’s immediately rolling for sanity.
  • If the sanity roll succeeds, she stares blankly at the barking nugget for a moment before noticing that it’s pointing at a break in the hedges. She points it out to the rest of the party and shrugs her shoulders. “That’s weird,” but is unharmed.
  • If the sanity roll fails, she takes 1d6 loss of sanity & stomps down on the nug, destroying it. In the middle of this fit, she falls forward and through the hedgerow, revealing the break. She then has to make a dexterity roll.
    • If the dex roll succeeds she’s fine and they up & keep walking.
    • If the dex roll fails, she takes physical damage of 1 hit point.
• If Jessica has the lowest roll: She is rolling an occult check.
  • If the occult roll succeeds, she uses her extrasensory abilities to channel the following message: The chicken nugget is being used as a ventriloquism focus for something that lurks in the woods. If you part the hedgerow just ahead there is a protected path through the woods to the party cabin.
  • If the occult roll fails, she’s now doing a sanity check.
    • If the sanity roll succeeds, she survives the encounter & the player with the next lowest roll goes next.
    • If the sanity roll fails, she takes 1d3 damage to her sanity.

Pass: You notice a funky chicken nugget that had been eaten into a rough dog shape. Next to the nug are some tiny footprints you recognize from the bootprints on the backs of your calves, you see a note rolled into a scroll and tucked into the hedgerow about 12 inches from the ground.

Fail: You notice a funky chicken nugget that had been eaten into a rough dog shape. Next to the nug are some tiny footprints you recognize from the bootprints on the backs of your calves and you realize that there is a break in the hedgerow right there.

Description of the woods

The woods are dark and dense with a mix of deciduous and evergreen trees. Due to the thickness of the canopy there’s not a lot of low growth in the depth of the woods, giving it a bit of a tunnel effect.

However, there is well established trail that runs between the trees. It’s wide enough to fit about two and a half people shoulder to shoulder. The dirt on the trail is slightly darker than the dirt on the side of the trail. But due to BeeKay’s wide shoulders, only Mel & Jessica would be able to walk side by side.

Exploring the woods

• If the group sticks to the trail they will pass through safely and come out into the clearing by the shitter, ending the first episode. If this happens quickly, the team can explore the outside of the clearing, including the map & the episode will end when they arrive at the door of the cabin.
• If the group rolls for listen/spot hidden.
  • If BeeKay passes the roll, he will hear a low growl out in the middle of the woods and the faint sound of something being dragged off in the distance.
  • If Mel passes the roll, she will notice that off to the side of the trial there is a circle of fly amanita. She will choose whether or not she mentions this to the group at large. 
  • If Jessica passes the roll, she will notice that the trail is marked by a thin line of crystal salt.
• If the group veers off the trail they will eventually run across a Dimensional Shambler. Who will appear in a clearing for a moment before disappearing with part of a deer (Dundas’ pet deer, Canada Dry), the remainder of the carcass will fall onto the ground. This is a warning if they stay off the trail they will be forced into further contact with the shambler.
  • If Mel sees the Shambler, she will instantly lose 3 sanity points & have to do an immediate sanity check. If she fails, the hit is 1d10+3.
  • If BeeKay sees the Shambler, he will have to do an occult check.
    • If he succeeds the occult check, he will be able to identify the creature and will have to pass a sanity check.
      • If he fails the sanity check, the hit is 1d10+3.
    • If he fails the occult check, he will immediately lose 3 sanity points & acquire Coloromania – an obsession with the indescribable, iridescence seen as the creature disappears. The only way to cure the mania is to procure & successfully study the right tome by asking one of the party-goers what they would recommend (“Monstres and their Kynde” a copy of which is on the bookshelf of Dundas Mackey).
  • If Jessica sees the Shambler, she will instantly lose 1 sanity points & have to do an occult check.
    • If she succeeds the occult check, she will be able to identify the creature and will have to pass a sanity check, if she fails, the hit is 1d10+3.